Why “leadership presence” is BS feedback

…and what to do when you receive it.

If you’re reading this post, I’m certain you have received this feedback and probably thought to yourself some version of “what does that even mean?”. Perhaps with more expletives. I would bet it has shown up in performance reviews, in interview feedback, in debriefs on something you worked hard to deliver, perhaps even in the day to day nature of your job. And, I would bet that women and people of color receive it more often than men, but given what a cop out it is it probably exists everywhere.

So let’s try to make it specific. How do we define it in concrete terms, what behaviors can we link to it, and what should you do when you receive the BS feedback that it is.  

I’m a word-nerd, so let’s start with formal definitions & origins:

• Presence: the fact or condition of being present, concrete or visible in nature. (Also, can refer to spooky ghosts)

• Present - adjective: now existing or in progress; being in view or at hand, existing in something mentioned; constituting the one actually involved, at hand, or being considered

• At present: at or during this time

• Etymology - praesentare / latin = “to place before, show, exhibit, hold out, hand to”

What I like about these is they all essentially mean showing up. Doing the thing. Making it visible. 

Then you’ve got the definition of leadership - I prefer Brené’s definition of leader which is “anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.”

Putting all of this together - my definition of leadership presence is: The taking of and acting on responsibility for others, right now, in ways that matter & that meet the present moment. The opposite or absence of it would mean - not taking that responsibility right now, at all, and/or in meaningful ways.

That sounds doable, but also not one size fits all. Certainly not for someone else to define what your version of leading in full view looks or feels like. This feedback remains BS unless the person sharing this with you can break down what pieces they a) expect to see and b) have observed as missing. To help it not be BS, we need to drill down and require that our feedback deliverer be specific. 

Let’s be real - whether we like it or not, the characteristics and behaviors lumped under leadership or executive presence are studied and cited as differentiating. How you are perceived matters, even more than how you perceive yourself*. This HBR article gives a clear & illustative map of what what we collectively prioritize in this category and how has shifted in important ways over time. For example, in 2012 “forcefulness” made the top 5 traits in HBR’s study, and has now fallen off list (thank goodness) in favor of “listen to learn orientation” in reference to C-suite leaders**. Being specific about the behavior means we can now observe with intent and ask more questions that make the feedback helpful instead of a catch-all.

Leadership presence does contain within it specific, demonstrable behaviors that we can define, observe, and skill-build around - see the HBR article linked above for a comprehensive list. My top five would include - 

• Decision making - the ability to seek input different from one’s own to inform a decision that one then takes responsibility for making, including the impacts that follow

• Honesty - admitting what we do & do not know, not pretending to be something / someone we are not. Close cousins are integrity and authenticity - show up as you are and not who you think you should be. 

• Anticipation - seeing ahead what might happen, preparing self and others for those possibilities

• Warmth, kindness, inclusiveness, respect - could also feel like confidence, don’t you think? The most confident people I know don’t announce their confidence, it manifests as and elicits these feelings in me. I can tell someone is confident when they make me feel at ease.

• Clarity - sense-making, especially during ambiguous or chaotic times, acknowledging where things are and where things need to go, including where challenges may exist.

• Bonus - there is TONS of overlap across these five. If I can provide clarity with honesty, with anticipation of my teams needs, and share the decisions that got us here - exponential win for everyone.

Now we can discuss what to do when you (inevitably) receive this feedback. Here are a few powerful questions to ask when your feedback deliverer, to help them move from vague to specific:

• What are the elements of leadership presence you are looking for specifically? Where have you seen me demonstrate them, where have you observed something missing?

• How do you define leadership presence? Here’s how I define it - how aligned are we?

  • Follow up - here’s what I’m working on in my leadership presence, can you provide me some feedback on those specific things?

• If I had a do-over - what would you be looking for more of?

• …and wouldn’t it be interesting if at the end of this inquiry, you can actually demonstrate the very thing they said you were lacking? 

Daly Dose of real talk - despite the frequency with which this feedback is given, let’s acknowledge that in the world around us there seems to be a chronic absence of these very things. In a world that gives you feedback that isn’t always demonstrated, be the present, courageous, strong leader who steps in to fill the void. You’ve got this.

—K

Citations:

*Hogan Leadership Model - identity vs. reputation / perception.

**HBR - The New Rules of Executive Presence, by Sylvia Ann Hewlett

Definitions - Merriam-webster.com